


The Steady Fall of My Heart

by xTarmanderx



Category: Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTarmanderx/pseuds/xTarmanderx
Summary: In the aftermath of Isla Sorna, Dr. Alan Grant has to decide what he really wants in life. Meanwhile, Billy Brennan struggles with recovery from the island and forgiveness.





	1. Chapter 1

Alan ran his fingers along the brim of his hat, staring off into the distance. It was easy to tune out of the conversation and focus his attention on what really mattered. Currently, the object of his mind was bandaged at the rear of the helicopter. He wanted to be back there at his side but the medic had sent him away with the promise that he was in good hands. It wasn’t as though he could have done much anyways. 

He replayed his final words to the other man, trying to command him not to jump. Not to try and save Erik. He’d been terrified and selfish, for a moment wishing the younger man didn’t have to do the right thing. Losing Billy...it had shaken him. He’d never thought twice about not having the other man in his life. Even when he'd woken to find them landed on the island, his thoughts had immediately turned to making sure the other man survived. The idea of loss hadn't seemed possible. 

A pained cry from the back pulled him from his thoughts and he straightened up, turning and beginning to rise from his seat. “Billy.” The name left his lips before he could prevent it and the Kirby family looked up at him. He could see sympathy in Amanda's eyes and something twisted in his gut. 

“Sir, you need to have a seat.” One of the soldiers stood to block Alan’s path. 

“What's going on?” His eyebrows knitted together as he tried to peer past the stocky man before him. Two medics were hunched over Billy, one trying to restrain him from moving. He didn't need a medical degree to understand something was wrong by the panicked expressions they both started to wear. 

The soldier’s mouth thinned into a line. “They will handle it, sir. Please return to your seat.” Billy cried out again and the soldier didn't flinch. It made Alan’s blood burn for a moment and he took a deep breath to steady himself. Acting irrationally was not going to grant him any favours. 

A hand reached out to grab his own and he glanced down to see sympathetic eyes. “He'll be fine, Dr. Grant. Let the doctors look at him. We're almost on land again.” Amanda Kirby spoke gently and Alan felt as though she were trying to soothe a caged animal. Curtly nodding, he turned and dropped back down into his seat to look out the window. Costa Rican officials in pressed suits surrounded a helicopter pad and there was a stretcher waiting behind them. He wasn't surprised. The government had gotten involved with the Jurassic Park disaster when Grant had faced the genetically modified giants just a few years back. He knew the drill: separation, medical attention, an interview, and the signing of a non-disclosure. The latter was almost humorous with the pteranodons that had escaped the island. A team of specialists would no doubt be sent after them. Until that happened, he'd stick to the indoors as much as possible. 

“Dr. Grant. There's a woman waiting for you.” Erik said, tugging on his arm and pointing out the door as they began to land. He leaned forward slightly to look out and a ghost of a smile appeared. 

“She's the one who sent the military for us.” They all owed their lives to Ellie Sattler. 

“Awesome.” Erik grinned and Alan glanced over, watching him carefully. There was a shadow in his curious gaze, a wariness that he knew the island had given him. He wondered how the family would do dealing with their nightmares. The trauma may have brought them back as a unit but he wasn't confident that it could last. 

He followed the Kirby family as they climbed out of the helicopter, grunting as Ellie threw herself into his arms. She promptly shoved him back a half step, lips twisted in anger, and then pulled him close again for a tight hug. He dropped his face to her neck and inhaled, taking in the scent of wildflowers and cleanliness that seemed to cling to her skin. “I think I owe you one,” he murmured against her skin. Laughter puffed across the back of his neck and she rubbed her fingers into his shoulder before loosening her hold.

“I’m just glad you called. When the phone died...I thought…” her breath hitched for a moment and he squeezed her gently in reassurance.

“I’m the last of my kind, Ellie. I’m not going anywhere.”

~

Twelve hours. Alan had been sitting in the stiff hospital chair for nearly twelve hours, broken up by small increments of anxious pacing and bathroom breaks. He'd managed to get one brief update about six hours into his wait. The doctor had been reluctant to share the news but Alan had pressed her for it, citing himself as Billy’s boss. That pull only worked at the hospitals back in Montana but she seemed to have taken pity on him. She'd explained that Billy was undergoing surgery which was why there hadn't been updates. He'd needed his spleen removed, his spine examined, a partial hip replacement, and one of his lungs had collapsed so the doctors had been trying to examine it. They'd given him breaks between the surgeries but were not allowing anyone access to him until they were confident he was stable. 

The thought of Billy under a scalpel made Alan nauseous. Hadn't the young man suffered enough? What if Billy's body could not handle to stress and recovery that came along with the surgeries? He couldn't convince himself that the young man was going to be fine, not until he was able to see him in person. He needed to reach out and touch him to affirm that Billy was alive. 

“Mr. Grant?” A young nurse approached him, smiling timidly. “I was just given an update on Mr. Brennan. He's stable and they've moved him out of the critical care unit. If you'd like to follow me, I can escort you to his room for recovery.” 

“Thank you.” Alan stood quickly, his joints groaning in protest. He trudged along beside the nurse, trying to shakes the pins and needles feeling that had settled through his lower body. His movements were stiff and clumsy, leaving him feeling like a newborn foal. The nurse was doing her best to bite back a smile as she watched from the corner of her eye. 

“Here we are. Mr. Brennan might not be awake right now but he should be coming around shortly. Give stick your head out in the hall if you need anything.” She smiled again and turned, heading back to her station.

Alan ran his hand down his face as he stepped closer to the door, hesitating just at the entrance. He just needed to take the extra step and he would be inside but what was waiting for him? The mangled body of his favorite student, his best friend? Pictures flashed in his mind’s eye of bloodstained bandages wrapped around Billy’s head and torso. It took all of his willpower to shove them away and focus on moving his feet again, pressing into the room before he could chicken out.

“Billy?” He spoke softly as he approached the bed, eyes raking in the still form in front of him. The only signs that Billy was alive were the steady beeping of machinery beside him and the rise and fall of his chest. The breathing tube that must have been down his throat had been removed recently and Alan had to wonder if the nurse had come to get him after taking it out. He’d seen the process of removing one in the past and it hadn’t been a pleasant experience.

For an injured man, Billy didn’t look half as awful as Alan had anticipated. Perhaps it was because the reality of him was not soaked in the nightmarish blood that his mind seemed to conjure up. He looked pale and tired, weak from blood loss and hours of stress on the body. But he was alive. That was the only thing that mattered anymore. Alan took a deep breath and sat down, reaching over to set his hand on top of Billy’s. He stroked his fingers gently over his skin, bowing his head as he started to speak.

“You were never supposed to be there. I didn’t want you to ever see that damn island, Billy. Too many people have been lost there. I can’t...what would your family say if they had lost you? Hell, what would I do without you? You’ve made it damn near impossible to live without you. I don’t know what I’d have done if I lost you back there. But I guess I could still lose you. Dammit, Billy. You have to wake up and recover.” The words poured out against his will, freeing themselves from his usually stoic tongue. He owed this young man a thousand and one apologies and then some. He’d do anything if it meant that Billy would recover.

For half an hour, Alan held his hand in silence and waited patiently for Billy to wake up. There was no sign in the change of his vitals as far as Alan could see and he seemed to be in his normal sleeping pattern if his soft exhales were anything to go by. Ellie stopped by once to check in, telling Alan that she and the Kirby family would be in the cafeteria if he wanted to join them. It eventually became apparent that Billy wasn’t going to join the waking world any time soon and Alan finally stood, releasing his hand. He walked slowly to the door, bracing his hand against the frame as he prepared to step outside. A rough voice stopped him in his tracks, stealing the breath from his lungs and making his knees weak.

“Alan?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie tells Alan he's an idiot. She's not wrong.

It was easy to take a step back into the room. It was much harder to force himself to turn around and acknowledge the younger man in the hospital bed. He took a breath to steady himself, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat as he took a cautious step toward Billy. “Do you need me to call the nurse?” He asked, shifting uncomfortably as Billy’s gaze swept over him. 

“No. Can you hand me that cup of water?” Billy pointed toward the sink and Alan was quick to do as asked. He handed the cup over, surprised Billy was so coherent. Had he been awake before now? Surely he had been when the nurse had removed his assisted breathing tubes but how many times had he woken between then and now? “Thank you.” Billy quietly broke his train of thought. 

“How are you feeling?” Alan asked, his fingers twitching slightly in an aborted movement to grab Billy by the hand. Where had that come from?

“Like I was half pecked to death by prehistoric creatures from hell.” Billy said dryly. He winced at the choice of words, of the reminder that he’d nearly lost the younger man, and thinned his lips. 

“Billy-“

“Dr. Grant.” Billy tiredly cut him off and Alan immediately clicked his mouth shut. “The Kirby family? How are they?”

“Alive and well. It looks like Mr. and Mrs. Kirby might actually reunite over this trauma.” Alan’s lips tugged in a faint smile that fell flat when Billy didn’t return it. “Erik’s fine. As far as I’ve been told, he had no severe injuries. Just some bruises and cuts that had to be cleaned and bandaged properly.” Some of the tension in Billy’s expression eased and Alan wondered what was going on in his head. 

“Good.” Billy tightened his hold on the paper cup and it crumpled, water sloshing down onto his chest. He muttered a curse and Alan quickly grabbed a few napkins, attempting to help him clean himself. “I’m fine,” Billy snapped as he snatched the napkins. The tone forced Alan to lean back, surprise naked on his face. 

“Billy-“

“I’m fine, Dr. Grant.” Billy mopped himself up as best as he could and Alan saw the pain the tiny movements were causing him. The younger man exhaled roughly and looked up again, his eyes swimming with tears. “Please just go.” Like any man faced with the threat of an emotional breakdown, Alan turned and fled the room. 

-

He didn’t stop running until he had made it to the cafeteria. He paused outside of the doors long enough to collect himself and try to pull on an indifferent mask before walking inside. He went through the motions of obtaining food and something to drink, wishing bitterly that he had access to beer at a time like this, before he moved to the register. Just as he realised he didn’t have his wallet, a gentle hand touched his arm. 

“It’s on me.” Ellie smiled and handed the cashier money to cover it, gently tugging Alan toward a secluded booth after getting her change back. Erik Kirby was sitting with her but his parents were not in sight. “Paul and Amanda are giving their statements.” She explained as though she’d read his mind. Knowing Ellie as long as he had, that possibility wasn’t completely off the table. She’d always been able to read him in a way that terrified and impressed him. 

“Hi Dr. Grant.” Erik smiled up at him as he sat down. 

“Erik. Billy asked about you.” He informed, picking up his sandwich to unwrap it. The smell of chicken salad hit him immediately and he grimaced. He should have paid attention to what he was grabbing. He’d always hated chicken salad. Billy loved it.

“He’s awake?” Erik’s expression lit up. 

“Here.” Ellie gently pried the sandwich from his fingers, replacing it with a small turkey sub. He quietly thanked her with a touch of his hand and she smiled fondly. Some things never changed. 

“Yes,” he returned his attention to Erik. Perhaps the boy would be better company to Billy. “He wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Do you think I could go talk to him?” Erik asked hopefully. 

“I’ll tell your parents where you are.” Ellie promised in a motherly tone. “Go on. We’ll be up there in a few minutes.” Her encouragement was all it took for Erik to scramble from his chair, calling a thanks over his shoulder halfway across the room. “He’s a good kid.” She said as she watched him leave. “Now, why don’t you tell me everything?”

“The Kirby’s told you the story, didn’t they?” Alan grumbled. 

“Alan.” She levelled him with an unimpressed look. He took a bite of his sandwich, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge her again until he’d swallowed. 

“We needed money for the dig.” He began. The words came tumbling out before he could stop them and soon he was telling her everything. He talked about the raptor nightmare on the plane ride over and how he’d been knocked out from behind. He told her the horrors of watching two men eaten by the Spinosaurus and how the creature had apparently hunted them for two days. He spoke of Erik saving him from getting his face chewed off by raptors and miraculously finding everyone again after a long night worrying whether Billy and the others had made it out alive. He’d heard about Udesky’s death on the helicopter ride off the island and glossed over it, jumping straight into the last words he’d told Billy. He lamented his word choice openly, unable to meet Ellie’s sad gaze after that. She listened patiently, never interrupting him with questions, and he loved that about her. He finished the story with his visit in Billy’s room earlier and being kicked out, glancing at the nearest clock on the wall to find almost an hour had passed since his arrival. 

“Oh Alan,” Ellie sighed softly and patted his arm. 

“Don’t do that.” Alan frowned. “You’re pitying me and I don’t like it.”

“You’re an idiot.” She smiled fondly. “He didn’t kick you out. He didn’t want you seeing him so vulnerable. I’m sure he’s embarrassed.” She took a sip of his water and Alan’s frown deepened. 

“He’s injured. He needs help. Why is that embarrassing?”

“I seem to remember another paleontologist who was too stubborn to accept help once upon a time. I remember three days of the silent treatment when you broke your leg and I offered to give you a bath.” She smiled warmly and he sighed. 

“I didn’t need a sponge bath.”

“Still too stubborn to admit it.” She smiled teasingly. “Alan. Give him some time to come around. His pride is wounded and on top of that, he let you down. Combine that with drugs and he’s sure to be prickly and emotional. Just give him some time to come back around. He still needs you.”

“He’s never needed me.” Alan said firmly. “He’ll recover fine on his own.”

“Alan, I’ve met him once and I can tell you that’s a lie. He thinks you hung the moon and the stars.” Ellie said gently. “To know that he let you down...that’s a hard enough recovery.” Her faraway look said it all.

“When have you ever felt like you let me down?” Alan gave her a troubled look. 

“It was a long time ago. I don’t feel that way now,” she explained before folding her hands on the table. “But for a while, I felt like I’d done just that when I decided to leave paleontology behind. I felt like I was disappointing you because I was letting the island win. It took me months after we parted ways to realize that I was only letting myself down.”

“You never told me that.” Alan reached over and gently squeezed her hand. 

“I felt foolish about it. And then I met Mark and I was happy again. I worried about leaving you on your own and then I came to visit you four months later.” She smiled. “And Billy had just started working for you. I knew then that you wouldn’t ever be alone.” The weight of her words slammed into him, wrenching the breath from his lungs in an abrupt exhale. 

“Ellie…”

“Dammit, Alan.” Her smile faltered slightly and steel entered her gaze. “Don’t. You’ve kept yourself from being happy and I’m not going to sit here and let you sulk and throw it all away. Take responsibility for your actions and do something before it’s too late.” He stared at her for a long moment, a ghost of a smile on his lips. 

“I was only going to say thank you.”

“Oh.” She let out a small laugh of relief and squeezed his hand. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have amends to make.” Even if Billy wanted him gone, he had to at least try. He owed himself that much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy and Alan come to a mutual understanding. Things aren't perfect but when it comes to the two of them, it rarely is.

When Alan returned to Billy’s room, it was to find Erik almost asleep at his bedside. The youth had his head propped on his arms, his eyelids drooping as Billy gently rubbed his upper back and finished telling one of his exploits in a hushed murmur. Alan leaned in the doorway and gave a small nod when Billy’s gaze lifted to him. His storytelling faltered for a moment and he cleared his throat, heat rising in his cheeks as he stammered through the remainder of his story. Erik didn’t seem to notice, falling into slumber just as Billy came to the end. Alan allowed himself to smile, taking in the sight as he slowly approached the bed. 

“Dr. Grant.” Billy’s voice was soft, fragile in a way that Alan wasn’t used to hearing. He never wanted to hear it again. “Earlier-“

“I forgive you, Billy.” The words rolled off of his tongue. It had sounded so simple in his head but now the words rang like a gunshot, engulfing them in a deafening silence. He watched the array of emotions swirl through Billy’s eyes until something kin to remorse settled. 

“I was acting childish. I shouldn’t have…” his fingers twitched slightly against Erik’s shirt, displaying a sense of restlessness. “You were only trying to help.”

“Sometimes people have to do things on their own.” Alan scratched his jaw and gingerly sat near Billy’s feet. Erik didn’t stir. “Ellie tells me I’m stubborn and a fool. Maybe she’s right.” His lips curved in a half-smile. “Do you remember when I sprained my ankle last winter when we were clearing up the dig site?”

“The doctors gave you a cane. You used it to hit the computer when it froze.” Billy smiled nervously at him. Alan wanted it to be gone and in its place, he’d much rather see the cocky smirk of an adrenaline junkie. 

“And any time someone came to help me into my trailer at the end of the day, I was cussing a storm at them. I get the need to be independent. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. You and I, we aren’t so different.” Alan said slowly. 

“Thought you were the last of your kind?” An eyebrow quirked in his direction and he let out a soft chuckle. He reached over to Billy’s hand closest to him, moving his fingers just within reach of the other man chose to accept his offer. 

“For a long time, I thought I was. Maybe I don’t have to be anymore.” Warm fingers curled around his in response and in that moment, everything changed.

~

“I hate this.” Billy whined as he looked pitifully at Alan. The older man could certainly sympathise. It had been six hours since his surgery and they had Billy out of bed, teaching him how to shuffle around the room with a walker. Alan had been skeptical but he’d been assured it was best to get the younger man up sooner rather than later. He’d start doing exercises every day until he was able to leave the hospital and then he’d have a routine to follow. The projected recovery time was around six weeks to get back to normal activities. With Billy’s stubbornness, Alan worried it would take him longer. They had to stay in a hotel for the next three weeks, unable to travel with Billy’s hip. The Kirby family was leaving in three days and Ellie would be not long after them. He worried that Billy would grow restless with their company leaving and he would try harder to get himself ready to leave.

“You’re doing fine.” Alan promised as the nurse motioned for Billy to approach his bed again. “You’ll be a pro in no time.”

“I’d rather have crutches.” Billy grumbled under his breath. 

“For someone with so many injuries, you talk a lot.” The nurse smiled gently at him. “Your husband is right. You’ll get the hang of it and be moving at your usual pace in no time at all.”

“I’m not-”

“We aren’t-” 

“Oh hush now, don’t start.” The nurse scolded with a playful smile. “I can see it as plain as day, don’t you worry. While all may not be as welcoming here, I am. I have a granddaughter in the states. She has a girlfriend and they’ve been together for eight years. They’ve been waiting for marriage equality in your land. For here...I am not sure it will ever happen.” She sighed wistfully. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Billy said softly as he sat carefully on the edge of the bed. With a pained grimace, he eased himself back onto the mattress and adjusted his legs with a pillow between them. “How old is she?”

“Twenty-two. She’s been living in the states since she was four. A nice family adopted her. I couldn’t keep her here, she needed a place to go that was going to give her a better chance at life.” She shuffled closer to Billy’s head and leaned him up, lightly fluffing his pillows before ushering him back down. “Now, if you need anything then just yell for Edith and I’ll come running. You took good care of this one, he looks like trouble.” She pointed a finger sternly at Alan before leaving them.

“That…” Billy started, his gaze flicking from the open doorway to Alan. “That was unexpected.”

“You’re telling me.” Alan grumbled under his breath. He dragged his chair back to Billy’s bedside and sat down heavily. “Married.”

“Haven’t even taken me on a proper date and you’re already trying to tie me down.” Billy teased with an easy smile that Alan couldn’t help but return, his gruff demeanor slipping. “I’ve got my eyes on you, Dr. Grant. I know your schemes.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.” Alan tried to pull his hard mask on once again but the crinkle at the corner of Billy’s eyes said that he failed spectacularly. 

“You’ll still be here when I wake up?” Billy asked warily.

“I’ll be here.” Alan promised, sliding his hand forward and meeting Billy’s halfway. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter 7 times and I am still not entirely satisfied with it. I hope that you enjoy it!


End file.
